This is another one of the blogs I wrote in 2009 when I was going on 30 dates in 30 days with 30 different dudes. God, just typing that makes me tired.
It may be almost eight-years-old, but I think I was definitely on to something. Dating changes once you hit a certain age!
I’ve now been 3o years old for 150 days and I’ve spent much of that time out there so I would like to consider myself somewhat of an expert. I’ve talked about many a first date as of recent because I’ve kind of become a serial dater—yes perhaps I am a date-a-holic.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned dating as a 30 year old, it’s that some of these rules and regulations that we are supposed to follow like the law on the first date are out the window once you hit 30!
A little background on me—Up until December I was engaged to be married. I spent 8 years of my life with someone who wasn’t right for me. I’m not in a hurry to get married, but I’m not about to waste another 8 years of my life on some guy who doesn’t fit the mold of my Mr. Perfect!
I mean let’s face it talking politics, ex boyfriends, finances, babies, and marriage would not be kosher on most first dates! But once you hit a certain point in your life—you need to know the answers to some very important questions so you aren’t wasting your time with someone who doesn’t want what you want in the future. A great example of this would be a friend of mine who dated a guy for a damn near year before she found out he didn’t believe in getting married. How in a year did you NEVER discuss marriage? Especially if getting married is something you’ve always dreamt about!
Dating in your 20s is more about having fun and maybe dating Mr. Right Now. He’s a great guy—you have things in common, you have lots of fun, amazing sex—but there are things you don’t see eye to eye on. In my 20s I know I was more up for a project man. You know the guy who is close to perfect, but has some kinks that need to be worked out to make him the complete package.
Most people would say that on a first date I shouldn’t bring up my ex, but why not? He played a huge part in my life for the last 8 years and some of my insecurities and such come from this very relationship. Yes—I was engaged—yes I stayed with him too long—yes it was a less then perfect situation—but it was my life for the last 8 years! I also find that when you are out with a guy 30+ he always asks about your long term relationship history. Every single guy who fit into this category asked me about my past and I have no problem telling them about it.
Family, politics, money, kids, marriage, and sex—I think the sooner you lay your cards out the better. Some people may call me crazy and say it’s destroying the mystery of the other person and vice-versa, but I say bring it on! There are things in your life that you set in stone—maybe your political views, the place you imagine living, how many kids you want to have—don’t think for a moment that the person sitting opposite you at the dinner table doesn’t have life plans as well. Why not find out if they a in sync, because if they’re not—MOVE ON! Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t see eye-to eye with what you want.
After all, isn’t the point of dating and entering into a relationship to see if this person could be the one you grow old with—peoples moral stances and life opinions rarely change. It’s not like a guy who wears bad jeans—I can fix him in one trip to the mall. Peoples moral, religious, and family beliefs are deep seeded and can rarely are wavered.
I’m proud of my thirty-year-old self for coming up with that.